This is a reminder to me first of all. I’ve been struggling with chronically low self esteem most of my life; the dynamic of this current world does not help the situation. Rather, it makes me sad knowing men/women rather focus on external appearances than internal. That men will so freely ogle women. I hope to find someone who isn’t so shallow and can love me for my heart. InshaAllah/God Willing.
I’ve seen you bare faced with your pimple marks and dark bags under your eyes. I’ve seen how hard you try to turn those pair of light glow from lifeless to sparkly. I’ve been seeing how it reflects your emotions. I’ve seen you smile and frown. I’ve seen you laugh and cry so hard. I’ve seen your bare parts —and everything about you is beautiful.
I’m not quite sure if you noticed, but I was there when the world turned its back to you. I was there when they have loved you and I was still there when they ended up leaving you. I was the first one who recognized your genuine smile from fake ones.
I am your number one fan. I was the one who praised you when they’ve given you insults and harsh evaluations. I was the one who you needed the most ever since and I was just waiting for you to finally acknowledge me as your fall back, your confidant, your bestfriend who reminded you that life is still a bed of rose even when it offers you thorns. Believe it or not, I carried the same burden you had. I cried the most when you were on your down fall.
Remember when your heart got broken by the people you’ve trusted the most? I was the one who suffered on your behalf. That time when you went through hell, I’ve knelt my knees and prayed with you too. I never left you. I kept on telling you to win the battle and choose to live your life. I told you to keep moving when you fall. I was the one who never get tired on reminding you that you are strong enough.
Even when you think you’re fat, even when you worry about the numbers on your vital stat, even with your tanned skin, even when you’re too short, even when you’re lacking, even when you’re being emotional, crying over nonsense and petty things, even when they speak and think bad about you, even when some refused to listen to you first, even when you think you are not good enough for people to stay, even when you think you’re unlovable and ugly, even when you think no one will stay and fight for you, even if you think I will leave you soon, —I love you, wholeheartedly.
Through dust and diamonds, all this time, I am with you.
This world will never be fair but remember to have some grace on yourseld too —the same grace that you give to others, give that to yourself too. Be kind to yourself, keep going, keep fighting, win this battle. When you are hurting, I am too.
Life will throw you rocks and even if you get hurt over and over, hold on, trust and love more. Life will give you storms, but learn to dance with the rain. Always choose to love and forgive more.
Do not be too hard on yourself. Do not try to handle everything because baby, you are just a human —and humans get tired. You are allowed to rest. No matter what you’ve gone through, I will be beside you. I will protect you. I will cry and will be happy with you.I will celebrate in your victories. I will genuinely love and care for you.
Moving on wasn’t easy and never was. I truly understand that “ if its meant to be it will be “ but.. it kinda hurt to see ur partner has changed to someone u thought he’d never be. ( oh well maybe I did but 😐 )
I can totally accept him. 100%. Tbh, I never like the way he shouted and insulted me (fyi, not only me but my parents as well). Hot-tempered. Paranoid over everything. Yet, I am still ok. Its not that I am “ OWWWWKAAAAYYYY “
I left him few days to give him some space. To think. Whats right wrong good bad and everything. But since he paranoid over everything. (Lupak that nya paranoid & sikpat di tinggal gia) he started to think that I had another guy. I never stress myself because Banyak gik kerja mk di fike 😆
He told me, “ tauk aku paranoid then kenak ilang? “ then I asked myself “ aih tauk salah kenak sik carik? “ but i went silent malas mok layan. Slowly he left. Yeah then we tried… but I guess we’re not meant to be together. I can see how he started not to sumpah and all. But then again, I tried my best not to menyampah with his attitude.
We both tried. But 😊 Allah has a better plan. I guess? I do miss him. But I guess he’s not worth my time. Fuck u.
My mind: don’t be clingy. Don’t be clingy. Don’t be clingy. Don’t be clingy. Don’t be clingy. Don’t be clingy. Don’t be clingy. Don’t be clingy. Don’t be clingy. Don’t be clingy. Don’t be clingy. Don’t be clingy.
SAHIH al-BUKHARI : Prayer at night(Tahajjud) : Hadith 23
Narrated Abu Huraira :
Allah’s Apostle said, “Satan puts three knots at the back of the head of any of you if he is asleep. On every knot he reads and exhales the following words, ‘The night is long, so stay asleep.’ When one wakes up and remembers Allah, one knot is undone; and when one performs ablution, the second knot is undone, and when one prays the third knot is undone and one gets up energetic with a good heart in the morning; otherwise one gets up lazy and with a mischievous heart.”
SAHIH al-BUKHARI : Prayer at night(Tahajjud) : Hadith 23/68
